The Beginners Guide to AFBR group | Guía del grupo AFBR para principiantes

 

(with archival purposes only, and reference, of course!)

A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO ALT.FAN.BLADE-RUNNER

VERSION 1.04.1

Edited by Father Viv
Father.Vivian.Obliv@SaintAlfonzosPancakeBreakfast.com

A text version of this document might occasionally be posted to the
newsgroup, depending on my ever-changing mood.

————————————–
Abdul Ben Hassan

The actor who plays Abdul Ben Hassan, the Egyptian snake dealer in Blade
Runner, was for many years uncredited. This lead to much speculation
over the question of his identity. Some of the less racist suggestions
include John Rhys-Davies, “one of the crew” or even Ridley Scott
himself, although through the production of the BR Final Cut, his
identity has now been revealed to be the late veteran Palestinian actor
Ben Astar.

Abdul Ben Hassan has inspired more than his fair share of AFBR
mythology; Netrunner illustrated the inadequacies of language
translation software – “Abdul Horseradish tree Hassan” – plus there’s
the old chestnut that you can see the Millennium Falcon on Abdul’s
face, itself further riffed upon:

Lukas: Great show by the makers of the X-Files. But the main character,
Frank Black had supernatural abilities.
Patrick MM: I heard you can see Millennium on the forehead of Abdul Ben
Hassan.

Discovering the identity of the actor has been a strangely poignant
bitter-sweet moment. It leaves a big hole in the AFBR Initiation Quiz,
and closes off a rich seam of AFBR folklore:

Father Viv [on fictional BR company slogans]:
The Abdul Ben Hassan Casting Agency – anonymity assured.

————————————–
Accordionists (see “Smokers”)

————————————–
AOL (also ‘AOL that.’)

Shorthand for ‘I agree with the previous post’.
Originates from days of yore when AOL users were deemed to be dumb
newbies with no netiquette, who would post content-free missives such as
“I agree” or “Me too”.

————————————–
Banal

Adjective frequently coined by one time poster Amedeo to describe any
film that wasn’t black and white or subtitled, or didn’t feature nuns on
bicycles.

————————————–
Beards (see “Gnomus and Father Viv”)

————————————–
Belgium (also ‘Blegium’)

As a Belginian, regular poster Lukas Mariman is often the butt of a
number of jokes on AFBR. One such exchange led to arch
rant-meister Lukas exclaiming that most of the ng correspondents knew
nothing about Belgium. So, as a service to those people, here’s the scoop:

Belgium… land of windmills, clogs, lederhosen, paella, alphorns,
cuckoo clocks, Nazi gold, surly waiters wearing berets cycling through
the cobbled streets in their pearly king suits. Belgian politics are
largely dominated by nationalist pressure groups who are demanding that
the national language return to Catalan, in keeping with Belgium’s
historical fatherland, Wales. Belgian people originate from one of two
ethnic groups, the Flemish (Belgium’s real name historically is
Flemland) and the Slovaks, who hail orginally from Rwanda. Famous
Belgians include Hercule Poirot, Plastic Bertrand, Tintin, Anne
Frank, Ayrton Senna, Pol Pot, Richard Stilgoe, Yul Brynner and Godzilla.
The national sports of Belgium are popinjay archery and foxy boxing,
both of which stem from Belgium’s historical role as the first line of
marine defence against the Spanish armada, which sailed from
Mexico in the 11th century B.C. and the Belgian’s favourite tipple is
the weissbier, with its unique taste coming from the extended contact
between the grape juice and skins during the fermentation process. Due
to Belgium’s famously lax licensing laws, weissbier can be enjoyed at
any time of day, normally completely naked and surrounded by small children.

Belgium is located in Europe. It is regarded as one of the lesser
Scandinavian states and is entirely landlocked by Monacco. Its capital
is Den Hague (literally “the golden coast”) and it is ruled by its
staunchly Jesuit royalty, Queen Beatrix and Prince Rainier.

————————————–
BioShock

A more expensive version of System Shock, produced by 2K Games, who were
at one time sponsoring Lukas on a one-man crusade to beat the netizens
of AFBR senseless with minute-by-minute updates on his progress
through the game. Thankfully at the time, Twitter hadn’t been invented.

————————————–
Blame me (also ‘Blame Lukas’)

Blame and Lukas seem go hand in hand. The original etymology of “Blame
Lukas” is unclear; it appears to have been started in the KDX Chat Room
by one-time ng regular Wombie, possibly in homage to the “Blame Lucas”
T-shirts, worn by old-school Star Wars fans who objected to George
Lucas tinkering with the original Star Wars trilogy, introducing Jar Jar
Binks and generally attempting to disguise a fat neck by wearing a beard.

Lukas himself has taken to using the expression of ‘Blame me’, this is
generally used as a mild expression of defiance, akin to ‘so sue me’, or
‘what ya gonna do?’

Example: “To be honest I never read the novel. Blame me.”

————————————–
Bodacious ta-tas

Those who have met ng regular Terry are immediately struck by her
classical beauty and her femininity; indeed lcz was describing Terry’s
manifold virtues and captured the moment perfectly when she said:
“And did I mention a *great* rack?”

Indeed, after Terry and lcz’s 2003 expedition together, lcz submitted a
first-hand report about Terry’s ample charms:
“She does have quite a set of bodacious ta-tas.”

We here at Mellorman Towers are unsure what a ta-ta is, and even less
sure how many ta-tas constitute a set, but due to the discovery of a
feature length documentary (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0197308/) we’re
willing to do some research.

————————————–
Call me <adjective>

One of the oldest jokes known to man, but always popular in this ng.
Requires a mark to preface their post with a defensive statement such as
‘Call me old-fashioned but…”. The next poster then quotes only that part
of the post and responds accordingly. For example:

Netrunner: Just call me obsessive
Mellorman: Uh…ok… all together now…

There are a number of variations on this particular joke.
For example:

StainlessSteelRat: The one thing MS do well are mice. I
can heartily recommend them.
Mellorman: Go on then…
StainlessSteelRat: I heartily recommend them.

————————————–
Cats (see “Which are better: cats or dogs?”)

————————————–
ChaaarFAQ!

In the beginning was the FAQ. This was handed down to Murray Chapman on
Mount Sinai. Years passed. Lukas took the FAQ, did a find-and-replace on
‘Murray Chapman’ and that is the FAQ that we know and love today.

Whilst the FAQ addressed BR, some people felt there should be a document
that addressed the ng, AFBR. Consequently StainlessSteelRat produced the
AFBR Charter, which described the basic netiquette that AFBR
correspondents should follow.

Simultaneously, Father Viv started assembling the AFBR FAQ, which
described some of the history and humour of the ng. However, SSR then
re-branded the AFBR Charter as a FAQ, and thus there was a requirement
to distinguish between the two AFBR FAQs, resulting in the term
‘CharFAQ’. In order to eliminate confusion entirely, Father Viv
re-branded his FAQ as The Beginner’s Guide To AFBR.

Pronunciation note: the correct pronunciation is Chaaaar-FAQ (chär-făk,
for those watching in Unicode), very much like the sound when made using
the Weirding Modules in David Lynch’s Dune.

————————————–
Christians (see “Smokers”)

————————————–
Clones (see “Gnomus and Father Viv”)

————————————–
connery 1970 pinto wedgy lettuce

An in-joke, first used in 2002 by regular poster Evil Sponge, in
reference to a comment by one-time regular ElfBlade. Generally used to
indicate that everything in BR-dom has been discussed already and that
therefore details of the discussion can be found on Google. The
example of points to discuss, posited by ElfBlade was:

[Quote]
What about Leon’s Ant Man Underoos? Or Roy’s penchant for giving people
killer wedgies? Or the fact that Deckard’s Nexus-Seven issue liver can
absorb all the alcohol in a liquor store with room enough left over to
fit a family of four, their animoid dog, the Planet Uranus, the Mona
Lisa, A head of lettuce, Young Bond-era Sean Connery, and a beat-up 1970
Pinto hatchback.
[End Quote]

————————————–
Counter Strike

Contrary to popular opinion, men are not totally fixated about women’s
bodies. In fact, physical beauty comes a poor third after a woman’s
appreciation of Blade Runner, (see “Why women hate Blade Runner”) and
her ability (and/or desire) to play Counter Strike. Thus whenever a
new female poster posts to the ng (extremely infrequent), one of the
first questions she will be asked is whether she plays Counter Strike.

Strangely, female posters don’t stay long…

————————————–
Dancing bears

The dancing bears are a mechanism to unequivically illustrate that
Deckard is a replicant, as posited by Terry Rawlings in Future Noir:

[Quote]
It was *meant* to be subtle. I don’t think Ridley ever
wanted to bring out a troupe of dancing bears holding up
neon signs reading “Deckard is a replicant!”
[End Quote]

Within the ng, the term ‘dancing bears’ has become shorthand for any
kind of definitive proof of Deck-a-rep. There was even at one point some
speculation as to whether the BR:FC would contain a hidden Easter Egg
that finally reveals the dancing bears.

————————————–
DeLorean

Deeply shoddy Irish-built sports car, constructed largely out of
recycled milk cartons and lawnmower parts. Caused a major flame-war in
the ng in 2002 after some discussion of its role in Back to the Future.

————————————–
Dogs (see “Which are better: cats or dogs?”)

————————————–
Ewok appeaser

Affectionate term for regular poster Patrick MM, who for some reason has
a remarkably high tolerance for the stupid furry cretins, even though
they utterly ruin Return of the Jedi.

————————————–
fuck the top sposting.

Famous quote by ng regular lcz after enduring a heavily medicated eye
examination. The full post reads:

[Quote]
kkksddddiiii
oh bloddy hell.  nervfer attempt to hookkkk uop headphone ond morphine.
Im bbsck and alive but will pasout shortly.
fuck the top sposting.
[End Quote]

A classic post, often emulated, but never equalled.

————————————–
Glowing eyes (see “Reflecting eyes”)

————————————–
Gnomus and Father Viv

Are they one and the same person? Are they the result of some unholy
cloning accident? Which one is the evil twin?

It’s difficult to say for sure; certainly you never see them both in the
same room at the same time, but the confusion appears to stem from the
Roll Call Gallery, where both correspondents have beards. Does this
prove conclusively that they are both manifestations of the same
phenomena? Sadly no, as Amedeo, Charybdis y La Zanahoria, DJohn37050,
Gilly, Netrunner, NexxuSix, RoyBoy and Synaptyx all have (or have had)
beards and nobody gives them a hard time. Furthermore, an inside
source reports that Father Viv no longer sports a beard!

Gnomus has always flatly denied any similarity:
[Quote]
There is no doppleganger issue.  Just because Mellorman has an identity
crisis doesn’t mean diddly.  I’m Gnomus. He’s whomever — or whatever —
he wants to be. End of story.
[End Quote]

Father Viv, on the other hand, is rather more coy:

StainlessSteelRat: Gnomus? Or Slowburn? Oof, I’m confused…
Father Viv: By observing the experiment, you influence its outcome.
StainlessSteelRat: are you fatherviv(at)hotmail(dot)com?
Father Viv: If you have to ask the price, you cannot afford it.

Evil Sponge: Have you grown a second head yet? Is that where Gnomus came
from?
Father Viv: No, that’s more of a Schroedinger’s cat type vibe…

————————————–
Grey side

The grey side is the position of those people who are either unsure
whether Deckard is a replicant, or believe that the director did not
intend to deliver conclusive proof of Deckard’s physiology either way.
These people (“Deck-an-Ambiguous”) often believe that the question (of
Deckard’s humanity) is more important than the answer (qv).

————————————–
Hanuman

In Hinduism, Hanuman is the son of Anjana, a female monkey, and is
revered as a god who aided Rama in rescuing his wife, Sita, from King
Ravana.

However, as far AFBR is concerned, all we need to know is that Hanuman
is a Monkey God (qv), first cited by Lukas Mariman in 2002 in one of his
trademark swipes at all forms of religion. At the time Hanuman was the
subject of speculation in the Indian national press that he had ‘returned’.

A long-running in-joke, Hanuman still crops up in AFBR, either as a
random deity, in exclamations (e.g. “What in the name of Hanuman was
that?”) or as a means of casting aspersions on someone’s character (qv
Monkey God, Smoker, Christian etc.)

————————————–
HD-DVD vs Blu-Ray

Without a doubt, *the* most tedious topic of conversation to ever hit
this ng, sadly prompted by by Warner Bros (a company who until recently
couldn’t manage to produce plastic DVD cases) insisting on releasing
BR:FC on both instantly moribund formats.

But is one format better than t’other? Well, both formats use 405
nanometre wavelength blue-violet laser, but Blu-ray has a tighter 0.3
micrometre track pitch (and therefore holds more pits) which means the
numerical apertures of the pickups differ (0.85 for Blu-ray, 0.65 for
HD-DVD). Thus the two pickups are incompatible, despite both
using the same type of laser. The two formats also use different surface
layers: HD-DVD uses a standard 0.6mm thick surface layer, whereas
Blu-ray has a 0.1mm layer (necessary for the 0.85 aperture) which, being
so thin, has to be extra resilient. It is this special coating which
means Blu-Ray needs dedicated production facilities, consequently making
the discs more expensive.

There you go. Is it funny? No. Is it interesting? No. Is it related to
BR? No.

At the time of writing, it would appear that Blu-ray has won the battle
of the formats, so can we just leave it be, please?

————————————–
I resemble that.

A self-deprecating play on the expression “I resent that”, used by Lukas
Mariman in response to criticism, parody, castigation or indeed anything
at all. Has largely been supplanted by “Blame me” (qv) recently.

————————————–
Intellectual interests

One particular ng regular, Royboy, revealed in 2005 in his Wikipedia
profile that he had “intellectual interests”. The rest of us, we muddle
along as best we can in our sad little hum-drum worlds. Oh, if only we
too could have intellectual interests…[sniff]

————————————–
Is Deckard a replicant?

No.

————————————–
Kicks his ass

Technique employed by one-time ng regular The Log to deal with trolls,
spammers, flamers, monkey gods (qv), smokers (qv) etc. For full effect
the words must be enclosed in double colons, thus:

:: kicks his ass ::

————————————–
KW Jeter (see “twat”)

————————————–
Know what a turtle is?

One of the longest-running jokes in AFBR, dating back to 1999, possibly
earlier. The joke requires a mark to ask “What is a XYZ?” (where XYZ is
a noun of any description), whereupon one of the ng regulars will then
respond “Know what a turtle is? Same thing.” (at this point the entire
ng dissolves into paroxysms of laughter). Six years on and still as
funny as hell. No, really.

————————————–
LeBrainBoy (see “pulling a LeBrainBoy”)

————————————–
Left handers

In a rigorous scientific study, it was found that AFBR contributors were
disproportionately left-handed compared to the population as a whole.
Evil Sponge advised the group:

“It makes us more creative, more intelligent, and apparently more likely
to be gay.”

Left-handers are also more likely to have allergies, to suffer
stuttering and dyslexia, and there is a statistical link between
left-handedness and homicide rates.

Famous left-henders are FW De Klerk, Osama bin Laden, the Boston
Strangler, Jack the Ripper, Jeremy Beadle and Phil Collins

————————————–
Marimba

The correct spelling of Mariman.

————————————–
Monkey God (see “Smokers”)

————————————–
Musicians (see “Smokers”)

————————————–
My cat’s name is Mittens

A deliberate non sequitur used originally by Ralph Wiggum to change the
subject away from anything he found uncomfortable. Generally used in
AFBR after Ridwan has described his latest DVD mastering technology. For
example:

Ridwan: I have found out how to turn a 2.0 wav file into a 5.1 ac3, it
involves feeding the audio through smoothing, sharpening and scaling
filters to a letterboxed NTSC which can be split into individual Dolby
ProLogic II wav files and then encoded to 5.1 wav with only 3:2 pulldown
removal applied using a special interpolation type technique that can
double or triple the playback speed, so that the original pixels of the
image aren’t blurred by re-scaling so you get a PAL anamorphic version
which would be fake anamorphic due to rescaling the NTSC letterbox
image. Only took about 16 hours on a P4 2.4ghz 800mhz FSB…

Father Viv: My cat’s name is Mittens

————————————–
No, really.

Quotation from BR. Used to accentuate, emphasise or to imply sincerity.
Confusingly also used ironically, so as to imply insincerity. Advanced
users only.

————————————–
Paul M Sammon’s email address

One of the most popular in-jokes of recent years, in its basic form the
joke consists of speculating who has Paul M Sammon’s email address, or
where it might be found.

The joke originally started in 2003 after a request for the email
address from a short-lived ng contributor called AquaticRsh. It prompted
the following dialogue:

Lukas Mariman: I don’t have it.
Lukas Mariman: No, REALLY.
Evil Sponge:  Lukas doesn’t have it either.
StainlessSteelRat: I thought Lukas didn’t have it?
Lukas Mariman: There must be a misunderstanding. I don’t have it.
StainlessSteelRat: So you have it?
Lukas Mariman: Actually, no. I don’t. Do you?
StainlessSteelRat: Spongey?
Evil Sponge:  What are we talking about? Ask Lukas.
Mellorman:  I have it, if anyone wants it.
Lukas Mariman: You’re serious?
Mellorman:   About what?
Evil Sponge:  Anything… ?

Due to Paul Sammon’s encyclopaedic knowledge of BR, virtually any
question regarding the film (or indeed, anything at all) now normally
descends into debate over whether we should ask Paul Sammon and how we
could go about contacting him.

Sadly, Paul M Sammon’s email address is now thought to be extinct. The
last confirmed sighting was by lcz in September 2003:

“I actually met Paul Sammon at the beach, and he wrote his email address
in the wet sand, but alas it was low tide and …”

————————————–
Paul is dead

A reference to the theory that the real Paul McCartney died as a result
of head injuries sustained in a car accident sometime in the sixties.
The Beatles were at the apex of their popularity and rather than risk
losing that, a look-alike called Billy Campbell (also called
Billy Shears) was brought in, and has basically impersonated Paul
McCartney ever since.

There is considerable “evidence” to support this, such as album cover
references, lyrical references, hidden messages that have to be played
backwards and so on. The most famous examples are on Abbey Road and Sgt
Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Father Viv (nee Mellorman) occasionally trots out this old tripe during
the regular and inevitable Deck-a-Rep debates. It serves as illustration
that if you have a certain point of view, however nonsensical, you can
(with some imagination) conjure up no end of evidence to support that
position.

————————————–
pulling a LeBrainBoy

To pull a LeBrainBoy is the act of disappearing up one’s own fundament,
whilst simultaneously rabidly babbling vitreolic filth. Beware, however;
if you are going to do this properly, it’s more an art than a science.
Take a look at the following classic post from LeBrainBoy himself,
dating from 2003 (note: due to the colourful language employed in the
original I have replaced some of the profanities with more acceptable
alternatives, indicated by square brackets. I trust this won’t detract
from your reading pleasure)

[Quote]
Hey, if you guys would prefer to continue your anti-American [circular
walk] (I notice POD and the log just could not wait to get their hands
in, grab a hold of Lukas’s [duck] and start [flapping]), hey, it’s
true, there’s nothing I can do to stop you.

It’s just a damn shame you [donkey mouths] decided to [spill] your
anti-American [gravy] all over the BLADE RUNNER newsgroup. You
[scoundrels] — and by that I mean you, Lukas — managed to completely
[hoover] away the few small pleasures there were to be found here. […]
After all, at some point in your life, you decided that this was *your*
newsgroup, you [utter bounder].

In conclusion, all that’s left for me to say to you that, heretofore,
has gone unsaid is, “[Flip] you.”
[End Quote]

They don’t write ’em like that anymore (praise be to Hanuman!)

————————————–
Pumping gas

In response to a video clip of Robert Johnson and Punchdrunks playing
the Blade Runner End Titles, LostProphet1776 said:

“Wow! Those guys are really pumping gas!!!!!”

This remark spurred some confusion as to whether it was complimentary or
not, perhaps depending on the nature of the gas being pumped.

As ever, POD has his own interpretation:
“To be honest, to look at them, I’m thinking forecourt attendant…
night shift…”

————————————–
Rack (see “Bodacious ta-tas”)

————————————–
Reflecting eyes

A reference to the cinematographic device used by Ridley Scott whereby
the audience could identify replicants by the reflection of light from
their eyes (in the same way that a cat’s eyes do). This is covered in
detail in the BR FAQ.

The reason this has become a hot topic of debate is that it has been
described on occasion as “glowing” eyes. Whilst the eyes may appear to
glow, clearly they do not generate light, they merely reflect it. It may
sound like a pedantic point, but it’s one of those things that gets
to you after a while, like people who say Doctor Spock when they mean Mr
Spock, or Cliff Richards instead of Cliff Richard. Typically coined by
the same misguided souls who believe in Deck-a-Rep.

————————————–
Replicon

A convention that never happened, which is okay because no one was going
to be allowed in anyway.

————————————–
Sammit

An expression of annoyance or frustration. Inoffensive, non-religious
alternative to “dammit” (Damn it), first coined in AFBR by Lukas Mariman
in 2003, based on previous use in the KDX Chat Room. Probably originates
from a typo.

Example: I want the BR:SE and I want it NOW, sammit!

————————————–
Sanity Clause:

This officially does not exist; we have proof from Christmas 2004:

Lukas Mariman: A merry christmas to all – no matter what you do or do
not believe in.
POD {Ò¿Ó}: I believe in santy claws
Lukas Mariman: What about a Sanity Clause?
Patrick MM: There’s no such thing as a sanity clause.

————————————–
Smokers

In the days when the ng was a hip and happenin’ place to hang out, there
would be a number of debates (or “rants”in today’s parlance), many of
which would seek to demonstrate the superiority of one ideology over
another. One of the most hotly debated topics was that of
organised religion, something that Lukas Mariman in particular was quick
to criticise. This led to the perception, perhaps unfairly, that certain
ng contributors were “bashing” the Christian contributors. Other
discussions tackled the demerits of smoking, the fecklessness of
musicians, and so on. Thus a number of in-jokes have arisen, mostly
parodies of megalomania, based on what are deemed to be “negative”
attributes.

Parties so far identified as “undesirable” include:
Christians, smokers, musicians (particularly accordionists), monkey gods
(and their followers), atheists, lawyers and majorities, inter alia.

In more recent times, peace has broken out and even Lukas has been known
to say “Why can’t we all just… get along?” (qv)

————————————–
snop (also snopp, schnopp, snaroo)

The word ‘snop’ gained currency as a replacement for ‘snip’, as used
when judiciously trimming a previous post for quotation. The success of
‘snop’ was assured when ng regular Man Machine pointed out that it was
in fact a Scandawegian colloquialism for penis, broadly equivalent
to ‘willie’. Since then ‘snop’ has undergone a couple of
transformations, firstly to ‘snopp’ (as it is actually spelt in
Scandawegian) and more latterly to ‘schnopp’, in reference to the
Grolsch beer commercial. For example:

<Schnopp… this beer is not ready yet>

Closely related to ‘snop’ is ‘snaroo’. Again, derived from snipping a
previous post, ‘snaroo’ originates from an homage to Mary Poppins: “Snip
snippetty snip snippetty snip snip snaroo”. In the confusion that
followed, ‘snaroo’ has come to represent a euphemism for anything
rude. Well, almost anything.

————————————–
Socks + sandals (see “Beards”)

————————————–
Spook in the head (also ‘sppok in the head’)

Obscure expression meaning to unsettle, disturb, confuse or otherwise
have an effect on. The expression’s origin is unclear, but it is used
mostly by (and about) Lukas Mariman.

Lukas: “WHAT is happening to this ng? The decadence, the fighting, the
swearing, the drugs… It spooks me in my head just thinking about it!”

————————————–
Terry (see “Bodacious ta-tas”)

————————————–
That’s just crazy talk

A rejoinder normally attributed to ng regular RoyBoy. RoyBoy first used
the expression in 2000, but now generally only unleashes it on special
occasions, more’s the pity.

————————————–
The question is more important than the answer

An argument often posited by Deck-a-Ambiguous (see “grey side”) posters.
The argument is that the debate over Deckard’s humanity is more
important than a conclusive answer either way; by extension, it was not
Ridley Scott’s intention to portray Deckard as irrefutably replicant,
rather to raise the possibility that he might be.

————————————–
There’s no accounting for taste

A favourite axiom of Lukas, normally in an attempt to defend some
horrendous 1980s TV series DVD boxed-set that he has just bought.

In 2004, Slowburn (now Father Viv) controversially suggested
TasteeTokens, a universal accounting system for taste. At the time of
writing this system has not achieved widespread acceptance.

————————————–
Tits.

Another vintage post from lcz in 2003. The exact reason for this lewd
and shocking outburst is unclear. What we do know, however, was that it
appeared in the context of the Abbott and Costello “Who’s on First?”
routine:
[Quote]
David Spiro: I’m not asking you who’s on second… No, who’s on first?
I don’t know! THIRD BASE!
lcz: Now if you had asked me who’s on second, I could’ve told you.
David Spiro: What?
lcz: Tits.
[End Quote]

Hailed at the time as a classic post, it has endured to the present day,
when it is celebrated every 26th of May. Evil Sponge encapsulated it
nicely: “the brief and simplistic beauty of the signifier is surpassed
only by the naturalistic aesthetic beauty of the signified.”

————————————–
TQIMITTA

Acronym for “The question is more important than the answer”

————————————–
Which are better: cats or dogs?

Dogs.

————————————–
Why can’t we all just… get along?

Plaintive plea often made by Lukas Mariman in an attempt to pacify an
argument or flame-war that has spun out of control. The fact that Lukas
is responsible for starting 90% of the arguments is conveniently
overlooked. Let’s blame him!

————————————–
Why do women hate Blade Runner?

Well, short answer is they don’t. Not all of them, anyway. But BR does
seem to have a predominantly male following; why is that, Leon? It maybe
just part of the general gender split that is associated with sci-fi, or
maybe there is something specific in BR that does not appeal to the ladeeez.

It has been posited that the scene with Deckard and Rachel in the
corridor may be offensive to some, with undertones of coercion, or even
rape. However, lcz (who by her own admission is very female) rebuts this:

[Quote]
Deck senses the conflict within her. She’s a rep, but
she is capable of so much more than a “normal” rep.

Her unease catapults her to the door.  He beats her to it.  He forces
her to look inside herself, to really examine what she really wants to
me.  She is confused. She cries.  She’s a rep AND she’s a woman, with a
woman’s sense of sexuality buried insider her.  He challenges her to
bring that to the surface, to allow her that release.

Their actions afterward were not of a horny human male getting his rocks
off with a ‘pleasure model’. He MADE LOVE to her. She MADE LOVE to him.
She slept curled in his bed, comfortable, safe, drinking in his scent,
allowing herself to let rise that latent sexuality. And revel in it.
[End Quote]

————————————–
Workprint

Mysteriously reappearing in a Seattle movie theater in the late 1990s,
one man took it upon himself to bootleg the print on Hi8. He then sought
to share the print for what he believed was a reasonable price. Alas,
his venture was swayed by market forces. His $9.95 copy was copied! Sold
on eBay for hundreds of dollars! He rushed to warn the ng:

TieRack99: “WARNING: THEY ARE OVERCHARGING ON EBAY! I WILL SMITE THEM!”
Average User: “Hey, man, cool out. It’s not that great a copy anyway.”
TieRack99: “WHAT!? IT’S THE GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD!”
Average User: “Dude, could you quit with the caps?”
TieRack99: “WHY ARE YOU PERSECUTING ME?!!?”
Average User: “Ummm…”
TieRack99: “I AM GOING TO POST PICTURES OF MY WIFE’S MISCARRIAGE!”
Average User: “Please don’t.”
TieRack99: “YOU ARE BARRED FROM THE REPLICON!”

(My thanks to Steve K. for this uncannily accurate precis. The name of
the main protagonist has been anonomised to protect… well, all of us)

See also Replicon

————————————–
You’re a dedicated man

A compliment, based on Zhora’s line in BR. Usually used after a ng
contributor has done or discovered something notable or novel.

See also “You’ve done a man’s job”

————————————–
You’ve done a man’s job

A compliment, based on Gaff’s line in BR. Usually used after a ng
contributor has done or discovered something notable or novel.

[END OF DOCUMENT]Esta guía, no traducida (ni lo será jamás), es el FAQ o Guía para usuarios del grupo Usenet alt.fa.blade-runner

Se mantiene aquí con propósitos de archivo, nada más. Usenet ya está prácticamente en desuso, y de hecho todos o gran parte de los miembros del alt-fan* estamos en un grupo alternativo en Facebook. A dicho grupo sólo se accede por invitación expresa de un miembro del mismo. Si eras miembro del grupo en Usenet, puedes pedirme que te incluya. De otro modo, entrar en él te será complicado, y además sus componentes tienen una cierta filosofía de la seriedad y la jocosidad que es, en ocasiones, difícil de entender o encajar.

(with archival purposes only, and reference, of course!)

A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO ALT.FAN.BLADE-RUNNER

VERSION 1.04.1

Edited by Father Viv
Father.Vivian.Obliv@SaintAlfonzosPancakeBreakfast.com

A text version of this document might occasionally be posted to the
newsgroup, depending on my ever-changing mood.

————————————–
Abdul Ben Hassan

The actor who plays Abdul Ben Hassan, the Egyptian snake dealer in Blade
Runner, was for many years uncredited. This lead to much speculation
over the question of his identity. Some of the less racist suggestions
include John Rhys-Davies, “one of the crew” or even Ridley Scott
himself, although through the production of the BR Final Cut, his
identity has now been revealed to be the late veteran Palestinian actor
Ben Astar.

Abdul Ben Hassan has inspired more than his fair share of AFBR
mythology; Netrunner illustrated the inadequacies of language
translation software – “Abdul Horseradish tree Hassan” – plus there’s
the old chestnut that you can see the Millennium Falcon on Abdul’s
face, itself further riffed upon:

Lukas: Great show by the makers of the X-Files. But the main character,
Frank Black had supernatural abilities.
Patrick MM: I heard you can see Millennium on the forehead of Abdul Ben
Hassan.

Discovering the identity of the actor has been a strangely poignant
bitter-sweet moment. It leaves a big hole in the AFBR Initiation Quiz,
and closes off a rich seam of AFBR folklore:

Father Viv [on fictional BR company slogans]:
The Abdul Ben Hassan Casting Agency – anonymity assured.

————————————–
Accordionists (see “Smokers”)

————————————–
AOL (also ‘AOL that.’)

Shorthand for ‘I agree with the previous post’.
Originates from days of yore when AOL users were deemed to be dumb
newbies with no netiquette, who would post content-free missives such as
“I agree” or “Me too”.

————————————–
Banal

Adjective frequently coined by one time poster Amedeo to describe any
film that wasn’t black and white or subtitled, or didn’t feature nuns on
bicycles.

————————————–
Beards (see “Gnomus and Father Viv”)

————————————–
Belgium (also ‘Blegium’)

As a Belginian, regular poster Lukas Mariman is often the butt of a
number of jokes on AFBR. One such exchange led to arch
rant-meister Lukas exclaiming that most of the ng correspondents knew
nothing about Belgium. So, as a service to those people, here’s the scoop:

Belgium… land of windmills, clogs, lederhosen, paella, alphorns,
cuckoo clocks, Nazi gold, surly waiters wearing berets cycling through
the cobbled streets in their pearly king suits. Belgian politics are
largely dominated by nationalist pressure groups who are demanding that
the national language return to Catalan, in keeping with Belgium’s
historical fatherland, Wales. Belgian people originate from one of two
ethnic groups, the Flemish (Belgium’s real name historically is
Flemland) and the Slovaks, who hail orginally from Rwanda. Famous
Belgians include Hercule Poirot, Plastic Bertrand, Tintin, Anne
Frank, Ayrton Senna, Pol Pot, Richard Stilgoe, Yul Brynner and Godzilla.
The national sports of Belgium are popinjay archery and foxy boxing,
both of which stem from Belgium’s historical role as the first line of
marine defence against the Spanish armada, which sailed from
Mexico in the 11th century B.C. and the Belgian’s favourite tipple is
the weissbier, with its unique taste coming from the extended contact
between the grape juice and skins during the fermentation process. Due
to Belgium’s famously lax licensing laws, weissbier can be enjoyed at
any time of day, normally completely naked and surrounded by small children.

Belgium is located in Europe. It is regarded as one of the lesser
Scandinavian states and is entirely landlocked by Monacco. Its capital
is Den Hague (literally “the golden coast”) and it is ruled by its
staunchly Jesuit royalty, Queen Beatrix and Prince Rainier.

————————————–
BioShock

A more expensive version of System Shock, produced by 2K Games, who were
at one time sponsoring Lukas on a one-man crusade to beat the netizens
of AFBR senseless with minute-by-minute updates on his progress
through the game. Thankfully at the time, Twitter hadn’t been invented.

————————————–
Blame me (also ‘Blame Lukas’)

Blame and Lukas seem go hand in hand. The original etymology of “Blame
Lukas” is unclear; it appears to have been started in the KDX Chat Room
by one-time ng regular Wombie, possibly in homage to the “Blame Lucas”
T-shirts, worn by old-school Star Wars fans who objected to George
Lucas tinkering with the original Star Wars trilogy, introducing Jar Jar
Binks and generally attempting to disguise a fat neck by wearing a beard.

Lukas himself has taken to using the expression of ‘Blame me’, this is
generally used as a mild expression of defiance, akin to ‘so sue me’, or
‘what ya gonna do?’

Example: “To be honest I never read the novel. Blame me.”

————————————–
Bodacious ta-tas

Those who have met ng regular Terry are immediately struck by her
classical beauty and her femininity; indeed lcz was describing Terry’s
manifold virtues and captured the moment perfectly when she said:
“And did I mention a *great* rack?”

Indeed, after Terry and lcz’s 2003 expedition together, lcz submitted a
first-hand report about Terry’s ample charms:
“She does have quite a set of bodacious ta-tas.”

We here at Mellorman Towers are unsure what a ta-ta is, and even less
sure how many ta-tas constitute a set, but due to the discovery of a
feature length documentary (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0197308/) we’re
willing to do some research.

————————————–
Call me <adjective>

One of the oldest jokes known to man, but always popular in this ng.
Requires a mark to preface their post with a defensive statement such as
‘Call me old-fashioned but…”. The next poster then quotes only that part
of the post and responds accordingly. For example:

Netrunner: Just call me obsessive
Mellorman: Uh…ok… all together now…

There are a number of variations on this particular joke.
For example:

StainlessSteelRat: The one thing MS do well are mice. I
can heartily recommend them.
Mellorman: Go on then…
StainlessSteelRat: I heartily recommend them.

————————————–
Cats (see “Which are better: cats or dogs?”)

————————————–
ChaaarFAQ!

In the beginning was the FAQ. This was handed down to Murray Chapman on
Mount Sinai. Years passed. Lukas took the FAQ, did a find-and-replace on
‘Murray Chapman’ and that is the FAQ that we know and love today.

Whilst the FAQ addressed BR, some people felt there should be a document
that addressed the ng, AFBR. Consequently StainlessSteelRat produced the
AFBR Charter, which described the basic netiquette that AFBR
correspondents should follow.

Simultaneously, Father Viv started assembling the AFBR FAQ, which
described some of the history and humour of the ng. However, SSR then
re-branded the AFBR Charter as a FAQ, and thus there was a requirement
to distinguish between the two AFBR FAQs, resulting in the term
‘CharFAQ’. In order to eliminate confusion entirely, Father Viv
re-branded his FAQ as The Beginner’s Guide To AFBR.

Pronunciation note: the correct pronunciation is Chaaaar-FAQ (chär-făk,
for those watching in Unicode), very much like the sound when made using
the Weirding Modules in David Lynch’s Dune.

————————————–
Christians (see “Smokers”)

————————————–
Clones (see “Gnomus and Father Viv”)

————————————–
connery 1970 pinto wedgy lettuce

An in-joke, first used in 2002 by regular poster Evil Sponge, in
reference to a comment by one-time regular ElfBlade. Generally used to
indicate that everything in BR-dom has been discussed already and that
therefore details of the discussion can be found on Google. The
example of points to discuss, posited by ElfBlade was:

[Quote]
What about Leon’s Ant Man Underoos? Or Roy’s penchant for giving people
killer wedgies? Or the fact that Deckard’s Nexus-Seven issue liver can
absorb all the alcohol in a liquor store with room enough left over to
fit a family of four, their animoid dog, the Planet Uranus, the Mona
Lisa, A head of lettuce, Young Bond-era Sean Connery, and a beat-up 1970
Pinto hatchback.
[End Quote]

————————————–
Counter Strike

Contrary to popular opinion, men are not totally fixated about women’s
bodies. In fact, physical beauty comes a poor third after a woman’s
appreciation of Blade Runner, (see “Why women hate Blade Runner”) and
her ability (and/or desire) to play Counter Strike. Thus whenever a
new female poster posts to the ng (extremely infrequent), one of the
first questions she will be asked is whether she plays Counter Strike.

Strangely, female posters don’t stay long…

————————————–
Dancing bears

The dancing bears are a mechanism to unequivically illustrate that
Deckard is a replicant, as posited by Terry Rawlings in Future Noir:

[Quote]
It was *meant* to be subtle. I don’t think Ridley ever
wanted to bring out a troupe of dancing bears holding up
neon signs reading “Deckard is a replicant!”
[End Quote]

Within the ng, the term ‘dancing bears’ has become shorthand for any
kind of definitive proof of Deck-a-rep. There was even at one point some
speculation as to whether the BR:FC would contain a hidden Easter Egg
that finally reveals the dancing bears.

————————————–
DeLorean

Deeply shoddy Irish-built sports car, constructed largely out of
recycled milk cartons and lawnmower parts. Caused a major flame-war in
the ng in 2002 after some discussion of its role in Back to the Future.

————————————–
Dogs (see “Which are better: cats or dogs?”)

————————————–
Ewok appeaser

Affectionate term for regular poster Patrick MM, who for some reason has
a remarkably high tolerance for the stupid furry cretins, even though
they utterly ruin Return of the Jedi.

————————————–
fuck the top sposting.

Famous quote by ng regular lcz after enduring a heavily medicated eye
examination. The full post reads:

[Quote]
kkksddddiiii
oh bloddy hell.  nervfer attempt to hookkkk uop headphone ond morphine.
Im bbsck and alive but will pasout shortly.
fuck the top sposting.
[End Quote]

A classic post, often emulated, but never equalled.

————————————–
Glowing eyes (see “Reflecting eyes”)

————————————–
Gnomus and Father Viv

Are they one and the same person? Are they the result of some unholy
cloning accident? Which one is the evil twin?

It’s difficult to say for sure; certainly you never see them both in the
same room at the same time, but the confusion appears to stem from the
Roll Call Gallery, where both correspondents have beards. Does this
prove conclusively that they are both manifestations of the same
phenomena? Sadly no, as Amedeo, Charybdis y La Zanahoria, DJohn37050,
Gilly, Netrunner, NexxuSix, RoyBoy and Synaptyx all have (or have had)
beards and nobody gives them a hard time. Furthermore, an inside
source reports that Father Viv no longer sports a beard!

Gnomus has always flatly denied any similarity:
[Quote]
There is no doppleganger issue.  Just because Mellorman has an identity
crisis doesn’t mean diddly.  I’m Gnomus. He’s whomever — or whatever —
he wants to be. End of story.
[End Quote]

Father Viv, on the other hand, is rather more coy:

StainlessSteelRat: Gnomus? Or Slowburn? Oof, I’m confused…
Father Viv: By observing the experiment, you influence its outcome.
StainlessSteelRat: are you fatherviv(at)hotmail(dot)com?
Father Viv: If you have to ask the price, you cannot afford it.

Evil Sponge: Have you grown a second head yet? Is that where Gnomus came
from?
Father Viv: No, that’s more of a Schroedinger’s cat type vibe…

————————————–
Grey side

The grey side is the position of those people who are either unsure
whether Deckard is a replicant, or believe that the director did not
intend to deliver conclusive proof of Deckard’s physiology either way.
These people (“Deck-an-Ambiguous”) often believe that the question (of
Deckard’s humanity) is more important than the answer (qv).

————————————–
Hanuman

In Hinduism, Hanuman is the son of Anjana, a female monkey, and is
revered as a god who aided Rama in rescuing his wife, Sita, from King
Ravana.

However, as far AFBR is concerned, all we need to know is that Hanuman
is a Monkey God (qv), first cited by Lukas Mariman in 2002 in one of his
trademark swipes at all forms of religion. At the time Hanuman was the
subject of speculation in the Indian national press that he had ‘returned’.

A long-running in-joke, Hanuman still crops up in AFBR, either as a
random deity, in exclamations (e.g. “What in the name of Hanuman was
that?”) or as a means of casting aspersions on someone’s character (qv
Monkey God, Smoker, Christian etc.)

————————————–
HD-DVD vs Blu-Ray

Without a doubt, *the* most tedious topic of conversation to ever hit
this ng, sadly prompted by by Warner Bros (a company who until recently
couldn’t manage to produce plastic DVD cases) insisting on releasing
BR:FC on both instantly moribund formats.

But is one format better than t’other? Well, both formats use 405
nanometre wavelength blue-violet laser, but Blu-ray has a tighter 0.3
micrometre track pitch (and therefore holds more pits) which means the
numerical apertures of the pickups differ (0.85 for Blu-ray, 0.65 for
HD-DVD). Thus the two pickups are incompatible, despite both
using the same type of laser. The two formats also use different surface
layers: HD-DVD uses a standard 0.6mm thick surface layer, whereas
Blu-ray has a 0.1mm layer (necessary for the 0.85 aperture) which, being
so thin, has to be extra resilient. It is this special coating which
means Blu-Ray needs dedicated production facilities, consequently making
the discs more expensive.

There you go. Is it funny? No. Is it interesting? No. Is it related to
BR? No.

At the time of writing, it would appear that Blu-ray has won the battle
of the formats, so can we just leave it be, please?

————————————–
I resemble that.

A self-deprecating play on the expression “I resent that”, used by Lukas
Mariman in response to criticism, parody, castigation or indeed anything
at all. Has largely been supplanted by “Blame me” (qv) recently.

————————————–
Intellectual interests

One particular ng regular, Royboy, revealed in 2005 in his Wikipedia
profile that he had “intellectual interests”. The rest of us, we muddle
along as best we can in our sad little hum-drum worlds. Oh, if only we
too could have intellectual interests…[sniff]

————————————–
Is Deckard a replicant?

No.

————————————–
Kicks his ass

Technique employed by one-time ng regular The Log to deal with trolls,
spammers, flamers, monkey gods (qv), smokers (qv) etc. For full effect
the words must be enclosed in double colons, thus:

:: kicks his ass ::

————————————–
KW Jeter (see “twat”)

————————————–
Know what a turtle is?

One of the longest-running jokes in AFBR, dating back to 1999, possibly
earlier. The joke requires a mark to ask “What is a XYZ?” (where XYZ is
a noun of any description), whereupon one of the ng regulars will then
respond “Know what a turtle is? Same thing.” (at this point the entire
ng dissolves into paroxysms of laughter). Six years on and still as
funny as hell. No, really.

————————————–
LeBrainBoy (see “pulling a LeBrainBoy”)

————————————–
Left handers

In a rigorous scientific study, it was found that AFBR contributors were
disproportionately left-handed compared to the population as a whole.
Evil Sponge advised the group:

“It makes us more creative, more intelligent, and apparently more likely
to be gay.”

Left-handers are also more likely to have allergies, to suffer
stuttering and dyslexia, and there is a statistical link between
left-handedness and homicide rates.

Famous left-henders are FW De Klerk, Osama bin Laden, the Boston
Strangler, Jack the Ripper, Jeremy Beadle and Phil Collins

————————————–
Marimba

The correct spelling of Mariman.

————————————–
Monkey God (see “Smokers”)

————————————–
Musicians (see “Smokers”)

————————————–
My cat’s name is Mittens

A deliberate non sequitur used originally by Ralph Wiggum to change the
subject away from anything he found uncomfortable. Generally used in
AFBR after Ridwan has described his latest DVD mastering technology. For
example:

Ridwan: I have found out how to turn a 2.0 wav file into a 5.1 ac3, it
involves feeding the audio through smoothing, sharpening and scaling
filters to a letterboxed NTSC which can be split into individual Dolby
ProLogic II wav files and then encoded to 5.1 wav with only 3:2 pulldown
removal applied using a special interpolation type technique that can
double or triple the playback speed, so that the original pixels of the
image aren’t blurred by re-scaling so you get a PAL anamorphic version
which would be fake anamorphic due to rescaling the NTSC letterbox
image. Only took about 16 hours on a P4 2.4ghz 800mhz FSB…

Father Viv: My cat’s name is Mittens

————————————–
No, really.

Quotation from BR. Used to accentuate, emphasise or to imply sincerity.
Confusingly also used ironically, so as to imply insincerity. Advanced
users only.

————————————–
Paul M Sammon’s email address

One of the most popular in-jokes of recent years, in its basic form the
joke consists of speculating who has Paul M Sammon’s email address, or
where it might be found.

The joke originally started in 2003 after a request for the email
address from a short-lived ng contributor called AquaticRsh. It prompted
the following dialogue:

Lukas Mariman: I don’t have it.
Lukas Mariman: No, REALLY.
Evil Sponge:  Lukas doesn’t have it either.
StainlessSteelRat: I thought Lukas didn’t have it?
Lukas Mariman: There must be a misunderstanding. I don’t have it.
StainlessSteelRat: So you have it?
Lukas Mariman: Actually, no. I don’t. Do you?
StainlessSteelRat: Spongey?
Evil Sponge:  What are we talking about? Ask Lukas.
Mellorman:  I have it, if anyone wants it.
Lukas Mariman: You’re serious?
Mellorman:   About what?
Evil Sponge:  Anything… ?

Due to Paul Sammon’s encyclopaedic knowledge of BR, virtually any
question regarding the film (or indeed, anything at all) now normally
descends into debate over whether we should ask Paul Sammon and how we
could go about contacting him.

Sadly, Paul M Sammon’s email address is now thought to be extinct. The
last confirmed sighting was by lcz in September 2003:

“I actually met Paul Sammon at the beach, and he wrote his email address
in the wet sand, but alas it was low tide and …”

————————————–
Paul is dead

A reference to the theory that the real Paul McCartney died as a result
of head injuries sustained in a car accident sometime in the sixties.
The Beatles were at the apex of their popularity and rather than risk
losing that, a look-alike called Billy Campbell (also called
Billy Shears) was brought in, and has basically impersonated Paul
McCartney ever since.

There is considerable “evidence” to support this, such as album cover
references, lyrical references, hidden messages that have to be played
backwards and so on. The most famous examples are on Abbey Road and Sgt
Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Father Viv (nee Mellorman) occasionally trots out this old tripe during
the regular and inevitable Deck-a-Rep debates. It serves as illustration
that if you have a certain point of view, however nonsensical, you can
(with some imagination) conjure up no end of evidence to support that
position.

————————————–
pulling a LeBrainBoy

To pull a LeBrainBoy is the act of disappearing up one’s own fundament,
whilst simultaneously rabidly babbling vitreolic filth. Beware, however;
if you are going to do this properly, it’s more an art than a science.
Take a look at the following classic post from LeBrainBoy himself,
dating from 2003 (note: due to the colourful language employed in the
original I have replaced some of the profanities with more acceptable
alternatives, indicated by square brackets. I trust this won’t detract
from your reading pleasure)

[Quote]
Hey, if you guys would prefer to continue your anti-American [circular
walk] (I notice POD and the log just could not wait to get their hands
in, grab a hold of Lukas’s [duck] and start [flapping]), hey, it’s
true, there’s nothing I can do to stop you.

It’s just a damn shame you [donkey mouths] decided to [spill] your
anti-American [gravy] all over the BLADE RUNNER newsgroup. You
[scoundrels] — and by that I mean you, Lukas — managed to completely
[hoover] away the few small pleasures there were to be found here. […]
After all, at some point in your life, you decided that this was *your*
newsgroup, you [utter bounder].

In conclusion, all that’s left for me to say to you that, heretofore,
has gone unsaid is, “[Flip] you.”
[End Quote]

They don’t write ’em like that anymore (praise be to Hanuman!)

————————————–
Pumping gas

In response to a video clip of Robert Johnson and Punchdrunks playing
the Blade Runner End Titles, LostProphet1776 said:

“Wow! Those guys are really pumping gas!!!!!”

This remark spurred some confusion as to whether it was complimentary or
not, perhaps depending on the nature of the gas being pumped.

As ever, POD has his own interpretation:
“To be honest, to look at them, I’m thinking forecourt attendant…
night shift…”

————————————–
Rack (see “Bodacious ta-tas”)

————————————–
Reflecting eyes

A reference to the cinematographic device used by Ridley Scott whereby
the audience could identify replicants by the reflection of light from
their eyes (in the same way that a cat’s eyes do). This is covered in
detail in the BR FAQ.

The reason this has become a hot topic of debate is that it has been
described on occasion as “glowing” eyes. Whilst the eyes may appear to
glow, clearly they do not generate light, they merely reflect it. It may
sound like a pedantic point, but it’s one of those things that gets
to you after a while, like people who say Doctor Spock when they mean Mr
Spock, or Cliff Richards instead of Cliff Richard. Typically coined by
the same misguided souls who believe in Deck-a-Rep.

————————————–
Replicon

A convention that never happened, which is okay because no one was going
to be allowed in anyway.

————————————–
Sammit

An expression of annoyance or frustration. Inoffensive, non-religious
alternative to “dammit” (Damn it), first coined in AFBR by Lukas Mariman
in 2003, based on previous use in the KDX Chat Room. Probably originates
from a typo.

Example: I want the BR:SE and I want it NOW, sammit!

————————————–
Sanity Clause:

This officially does not exist; we have proof from Christmas 2004:

Lukas Mariman: A merry christmas to all – no matter what you do or do
not believe in.
POD {Ò¿Ó}: I believe in santy claws
Lukas Mariman: What about a Sanity Clause?
Patrick MM: There’s no such thing as a sanity clause.

————————————–
Smokers

In the days when the ng was a hip and happenin’ place to hang out, there
would be a number of debates (or “rants”in today’s parlance), many of
which would seek to demonstrate the superiority of one ideology over
another. One of the most hotly debated topics was that of
organised religion, something that Lukas Mariman in particular was quick
to criticise. This led to the perception, perhaps unfairly, that certain
ng contributors were “bashing” the Christian contributors. Other
discussions tackled the demerits of smoking, the fecklessness of
musicians, and so on. Thus a number of in-jokes have arisen, mostly
parodies of megalomania, based on what are deemed to be “negative”
attributes.

Parties so far identified as “undesirable” include:
Christians, smokers, musicians (particularly accordionists), monkey gods
(and their followers), atheists, lawyers and majorities, inter alia.

In more recent times, peace has broken out and even Lukas has been known
to say “Why can’t we all just… get along?” (qv)

————————————–
snop (also snopp, schnopp, snaroo)

The word ‘snop’ gained currency as a replacement for ‘snip’, as used
when judiciously trimming a previous post for quotation. The success of
‘snop’ was assured when ng regular Man Machine pointed out that it was
in fact a Scandawegian colloquialism for penis, broadly equivalent
to ‘willie’. Since then ‘snop’ has undergone a couple of
transformations, firstly to ‘snopp’ (as it is actually spelt in
Scandawegian) and more latterly to ‘schnopp’, in reference to the
Grolsch beer commercial. For example:

<Schnopp… this beer is not ready yet>

Closely related to ‘snop’ is ‘snaroo’. Again, derived from snipping a
previous post, ‘snaroo’ originates from an homage to Mary Poppins: “Snip
snippetty snip snippetty snip snip snaroo”. In the confusion that
followed, ‘snaroo’ has come to represent a euphemism for anything
rude. Well, almost anything.

————————————–
Socks + sandals (see “Beards”)

————————————–
Spook in the head (also ‘sppok in the head’)

Obscure expression meaning to unsettle, disturb, confuse or otherwise
have an effect on. The expression’s origin is unclear, but it is used
mostly by (and about) Lukas Mariman.

Lukas: “WHAT is happening to this ng? The decadence, the fighting, the
swearing, the drugs… It spooks me in my head just thinking about it!”

————————————–
Terry (see “Bodacious ta-tas”)

————————————–
That’s just crazy talk

A rejoinder normally attributed to ng regular RoyBoy. RoyBoy first used
the expression in 2000, but now generally only unleashes it on special
occasions, more’s the pity.

————————————–
The question is more important than the answer

An argument often posited by Deck-a-Ambiguous (see “grey side”) posters.
The argument is that the debate over Deckard’s humanity is more
important than a conclusive answer either way; by extension, it was not
Ridley Scott’s intention to portray Deckard as irrefutably replicant,
rather to raise the possibility that he might be.

————————————–
There’s no accounting for taste

A favourite axiom of Lukas, normally in an attempt to defend some
horrendous 1980s TV series DVD boxed-set that he has just bought.

In 2004, Slowburn (now Father Viv) controversially suggested
TasteeTokens, a universal accounting system for taste. At the time of
writing this system has not achieved widespread acceptance.

————————————–
Tits.

Another vintage post from lcz in 2003. The exact reason for this lewd
and shocking outburst is unclear. What we do know, however, was that it
appeared in the context of the Abbott and Costello “Who’s on First?”
routine:
[Quote]
David Spiro: I’m not asking you who’s on second… No, who’s on first?
I don’t know! THIRD BASE!
lcz: Now if you had asked me who’s on second, I could’ve told you.
David Spiro: What?
lcz: Tits.
[End Quote]

Hailed at the time as a classic post, it has endured to the present day,
when it is celebrated every 26th of May. Evil Sponge encapsulated it
nicely: “the brief and simplistic beauty of the signifier is surpassed
only by the naturalistic aesthetic beauty of the signified.”

————————————–
TQIMITTA

Acronym for “The question is more important than the answer”

————————————–
Which are better: cats or dogs?

Dogs.

————————————–
Why can’t we all just… get along?

Plaintive plea often made by Lukas Mariman in an attempt to pacify an
argument or flame-war that has spun out of control. The fact that Lukas
is responsible for starting 90% of the arguments is conveniently
overlooked. Let’s blame him!

————————————–
Why do women hate Blade Runner?

Well, short answer is they don’t. Not all of them, anyway. But BR does
seem to have a predominantly male following; why is that, Leon? It maybe
just part of the general gender split that is associated with sci-fi, or
maybe there is something specific in BR that does not appeal to the ladeeez.

It has been posited that the scene with Deckard and Rachel in the
corridor may be offensive to some, with undertones of coercion, or even
rape. However, lcz (who by her own admission is very female) rebuts this:

[Quote]
Deck senses the conflict within her. She’s a rep, but
she is capable of so much more than a “normal” rep.

Her unease catapults her to the door.  He beats her to it.  He forces
her to look inside herself, to really examine what she really wants to
me.  She is confused. She cries.  She’s a rep AND she’s a woman, with a
woman’s sense of sexuality buried insider her.  He challenges her to
bring that to the surface, to allow her that release.

Their actions afterward were not of a horny human male getting his rocks
off with a ‘pleasure model’. He MADE LOVE to her. She MADE LOVE to him.
She slept curled in his bed, comfortable, safe, drinking in his scent,
allowing herself to let rise that latent sexuality. And revel in it.
[End Quote]

————————————–
Workprint

Mysteriously reappearing in a Seattle movie theater in the late 1990s,
one man took it upon himself to bootleg the print on Hi8. He then sought
to share the print for what he believed was a reasonable price. Alas,
his venture was swayed by market forces. His $9.95 copy was copied! Sold
on eBay for hundreds of dollars! He rushed to warn the ng:

TieRack99: “WARNING: THEY ARE OVERCHARGING ON EBAY! I WILL SMITE THEM!”
Average User: “Hey, man, cool out. It’s not that great a copy anyway.”
TieRack99: “WHAT!? IT’S THE GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD!”
Average User: “Dude, could you quit with the caps?”
TieRack99: “WHY ARE YOU PERSECUTING ME?!!?”
Average User: “Ummm…”
TieRack99: “I AM GOING TO POST PICTURES OF MY WIFE’S MISCARRIAGE!”
Average User: “Please don’t.”
TieRack99: “YOU ARE BARRED FROM THE REPLICON!”

(My thanks to Steve K. for this uncannily accurate precis. The name of
the main protagonist has been anonomised to protect… well, all of us)

See also Replicon

————————————–
You’re a dedicated man

A compliment, based on Zhora’s line in BR. Usually used after a ng
contributor has done or discovered something notable or novel.

See also “You’ve done a man’s job”

————————————–
You’ve done a man’s job

A compliment, based on Gaff’s line in BR. Usually used after a ng
contributor has done or discovered something notable or novel.

[END OF DOCUMENT]